Pioneer: Renegade force sequal to My first interdimensional epic adventure By: Fragrham Lincon ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Like anyone else writing dgf I don't give a flying frig about disclaimers. And anyone who wants to sue can bite me. on top of that send on the lawyers I've got fifty five gallon drum of wup ass sittin right here so get in line you ugly pathetic misserable losers. gwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! for reference this is the line__________ I am so far beyond the line I can't see it anymore. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I saw the two young men demanding I come out of my ship and surrender. I was utterly confused by this point. So, I did as they said hoping to get some answers. Besides if I couldn't get answers I could always open up a six pack of wup ass. Well I exited the ship (not forgetting to conceal the most ungodly buttload of weapons the world has ever known. NO I won't tell you where.) "Okay who are you guys? where in the holy hell am I?" I demanded. the shorter one turned to the taller one "He doesn't seem to know how he got here." "NAH WHAT TIPPED YOU OFF. Jackass." I yelled to the moron who aparently didn't think I could hear him. the taller one then turned to me "You've been using the vortex without permission. That is one serios crime." I spent the longest time in a cell waiting for someone to come. Eventuall I was answered by the shorter one. He brought me to an interigation room. "So how did you use the vortex without us detecting you?" he asked. "I have absolutely no idea. I don't know a bloody thing about this vortex thing. Now who are you people?" "Okay you're obviosly a primative so I'll start from the beginning. I am suprem gaurdian Doss. You have some how jumped out of your dimension........." Hours later Ray Doss's mouth was parched and my head was hurting. I'll sum it up The wormhole drive I had so (insert sarcastic comment here) altered was warping time space in a manner to not change in space in one dimension but to fall between dimensions. However whereas the Gaurdians calculated their dimensions I was jumping to random coordinants. "I'm going to run a background check on you. While I'm doing that you can make your decision. You can either enroll in the academy and try to become a gaurdian yourself or we can return you to your home dimension and erase your memory." Ray told me. It wasn't too hard to decide. No matter how stressed I was there was no way I was going to give up the excitement and return to the boredom of life in the Jurai palace. My first day in the accademy. Our trainer was Lion-o. A big man with no pants. The first thing they did was measure my vortex resistance. WHich they tell me is the likelyhood of surviving an interdimensional jump. I didn't see the point considering I had already been through two. Next my metacloriates. Something to do with the force. They gave me a very bad look. Finally they took a blood sample without warning me so I hit the dude with the needle hard enough to make his ancestors bleed. That got me a repremand but it felt damn good. Lion-o kept talking about using vortex energy but I thought the idea was stupid considering I already had the power of Jurai. The supream power in the universe. Not to mention a little augmentation from the force and did I mention an assload of guns. But the new techniques might be useful. The next morning I wanted to get a head start on the day. I got up wanting breakfast, specifically coffee and lots of it. I unfortunately made the mistake of picking up a box of coco pebbles that shane( the tall guy from before) was making a beeline for. When he realized this he did the most wrong thing you could ever do to me. He took my coffee. We stared each other down for awhile holding one anothers favorite breakfast items at gunpoint. Then I poured a bowl of coco puffs and on a guess used chocolate milk as opposed to regular. My gamble was well rewarded as shane dove for for the cereal. I lept (more like lurched) for the life giving elixer. Just then Mac (another dimensional strandee) came in and reached for the coco puffs. Shane let loose an inhuman growl. Mac retracted his hand. "I'd rather have fruity pebbles anyway" he said trying to salvage his dignity. later that day the results of my tests were reported. My vortex resistance was 80% which was sufficient, though dissapointing. My metacloriates were about average but since according to them my foce power was dark side I could utilize tremendous force power, although they advised against it. After that they gave me a long list of readouts on my blood test. "You seem to have an unusual power." said lion-o he continued "you have incredibly bad luck" "doh!" I responded "followed by incredibly good luck" "whoohoo!" "Then followed by even worse luck." "DAMMIT!" From there shane entered. "I'll take it from here" he told Lion-o. "Okay here's the scoop. You meet all the requirements for dgf but you have one major problem. You see you've shown one quarter Romulan DNA which is a star trek species and that makes you a trekkie bastard. So all you could ever make is dimensional crossing gaurd." I didn't like the sound of that. So I did what I had been prepared to do from the start. I whipped out my concealed guns (no I still won't tell you where I hid them) and began blazing away. Somewhere along the way I ran into pikachu. Seeing the football shaped rodent I knew what I had to do. I kicked him hard enough to trigger time travel and declared extra points. About an hour later (and an indeterminant amount of bullets. If you want to know hold the 9 button for about ten minutes) I made my way to the hanger and to my ship. Little did I know that one of the new destroyers(Really bad dudes) had picked that exact time to launch an attack. A green energy ball landed between me and my ship. Surprize! And out popped the person I least expected to(and most hoped I wouldn't) see. KAGATO!!!!! I knew his face from the history books. he devestated my home planet. He was the most feared being in my universe. So I did the only thing any true Juraian would do when faced with the arch enemy of the race. I opened up a serios can of HAUL ASS!!! And sped down the halls of the nexus central command. Kagato grinned wickedly "That was a Juraian. How very interesting. Perhaps I can destroy the gaurdians and pick up the secret of Jurai as a bonus. How utterly convinient. Ha ha ha ha ha ha." His maniacle laugh haunted me as I ran flat out in a cowardly panic." To be continued. will I be able to face up to my nemissis? will I ever get any r.e.s.p.e.c.t.? How far did pikachu go? Where's the line again? and will I ever tell you where I hid my guns(not bloody likely)? find out in part two of pioneer: Renegade force send comments to fragraham@mail.com