The On-going Pioneer Series Sword Of Darkness Part Eight By: W.Bob Yankovic I know all you guys are writing well, but you are leaving one of the most important parts out. I think that I have failed in my quest to teach the fine art of Disclaimers. I am going to go back to old school and see if you guys can pick any of this up. Pay attention now. I W.Bob Yankovic don't give the left testical of a bull elephant about ripping off characters/ideas/places/ect of any other series in the world. If you don't approve of this you can e-mail me at kissmy whitebutt@yourealooser.com. Have a nice day and enjoy. All the guys sat around just wondering what to do. "We are going to have to call in the last chance we have," Ray said. Frag's glasses flew off his face as he said, "Why him?" "He is right call him up," Mac said reluctantly. Ray picked up his dimentional phone and dialed up NCC Gaurdian Dept. I was in a meeting with the big-wigs that thought they ran the DGF when my computer flashed showing me that I had a waitig message. I haved off the doughnut stuffed overweight loosers and answered the phone. "Shane, this is Ray, we need your help," he heard a voice say. "You really believe that I am going to help you! What do you have to offer? A crossing gaurd for some hole-in-the-road dimention and his tree, some washed up so called "Chosen One", a guy that has shown absolutely no power what so ever unless he is the most powerful dork of all, and a handfull of misfits that suck?" I said in a senical voice. "Shane you are our last choice, MewTwo is looking for the rings now so we have about a one week hole of oppertunity, you need to be here within that time limit," Mac said. "Oh so now I am supposed to play savior of the universe as well as save your worthless hides am I?" I said. "Listen I know that you pretty much think we suck but we need you," Frag pleaded. "Oh the voice of the almighty stopsign holder speaks, I will obey his every command," I mocked, "Listen I really have other things to do so maybe if I get a streak of craziness or just decide to have a little fun I MIGHT come and help. Until then I would be abliged if you would not call me again, thanks." I said and hung up the phone. "I know the guy is senical and pretty crazy but he is not catching the reality of the whole point here," Frag said. "And you expected him to?" Mac said. "Yeah be realistic Fudo," Ray said. "When are our trees going to be ready?" Mac asked. "Tsunami said it would take a while, I am guessing a few more days," Frag answered. The group sat around for a few days waiting for what seemed to be hopeless. They knew that I wasn't going to help them. I was to sucked into the whole beaurocratic way of DGF. I mean I have heard of ruthless but these guys push the bar. I don't even think that Cordran had this much zeal. But anyway back to the story. One fine day on the lush planet of Juri, the fellows were sitting out on a grassy plain meditating when a guy seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Everyone drew their weapons and pointed/aimed them at the guy. " Hold on! I am not a bad guy!" the man said. The guys holstered their weapons and waited for an explination. "Which one of you here is Ray Dass?" the guy asked. "That is DOSS and it is me," Ray said. "I am here to deliver some kind of loose cannon thingy, please sign here," the man said. "What for?" Ray asked. "I can't give it to you without proper authorization," he said. Ray took the pen and scribbled a few letters that kind of resembled his name, if you looked at it upside down. The guy said thanks and shook hands with Ray. He pulled out a small commlink and said, "Ok guys let her rip." Then a huge, I mean like bigger than Coach Beningo's ego, portal opened up in the sky. Slowly a big crate was lowered down through it. It was the steriotipic box with stickers from far away places stuck on it, 'Fragile, This end up' plastered in the open spaces, and those little polystyerine packing material flying everywhere. "I know I asked for a loose cannon but this is a bit much," Ray commented. "I guess Bunbun takes his work seriously," Frag said. After what seemed ages of digging through the little packing peanuts the guys found a tiny box taped to the bottom of the crate. A sticker reading 'Instant Loose Cannon, Directions Inside' was stuck to it. Five minutes of power flying later the group emerged from the top of the box. "Lets see just what this is," Mac said as he opened the package. He tore away the wrapper and revealed a small cannon. "Ironic isn't it?" Frag asked. "Look here," Ray pointed out, "It says just add something, hold on let me wipe this smudge off. Just add Chocolate? What kind of joke is this?" Just then the cannon leaped out of Mac's hands landed on the ground and started rolling around scraping out letters in the grass. "G-O-T-C-H-A?" Frag said puzzled by the cannon. "Wait a second, loose cannon, cholate, endless quest to annoy me," Ray said. Then the cannon started to spin and morph into the shape of a guy about 6'1" with sandy brown hair. "Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Loose Cannon Extroidenair, the Commander of Chocolate, the Sultan of Sarcasim, The Rahja of Ear Chopping, the one the only Shane!" I yelled as the dust cleared. They just stood there gawking. "I haven't seen an enterance that corny since the Ginyu Force," Frag said. "Well you better get used to it because I am here to stay, I said. "Why are you here?" Ray asked. "Oh, BunBun said to give this to you," I said. I handed him a letter that read: "I know you wanted a loose cannon, but I decided to go a little overboard. This guy is the best fighter I could find that was willing to help you guys out. Just feed him a lot of chocolate, and make sure that he doesn't get around a bunch of good looking women. The last time he was nursing so many slap marks that he looked like a man made of construction paper. Well I hope that he can help. Signed BunBun. "He made up that part about the women, I was almost there but some muscled bound bouncer tossed me out the bar," I said. Everyone was just shocked. "You wanna see something else really cool?" I asked. I held up my hands to reveal all Seven Super Power Rings. Then I threw my hands out to the side, then brought them in to cover my face. Next I took my saber and screamed "SWORD OF LIGHT!" To their surprise a long pure white sword leapt from the handle. "Pretty cool huh," I said swinging the blade around blocking fake attackers. "How?" was the chorus of all three voices. "Well I just asked the guys to let me see their rings. Then when I got them all, I just left. The fat guys should be finding out right...about...now," I said. A second later my commlink buzzed. The sound of curses tossed at me in several different languages blared over the comm. I just threw it down and stomped it flat. "Won't be needing that anymore," I said. "You actually think that I was going to let you guys have al the fun?" I asked. "Well after the toung lashing you gave us I thought for sure you were a lost cause," Mac said. "Oh that thing? I was in a meeting and I didn't want the Beaurocrats to know I was coming to help you all," I said. I shut off my saber and reclipped it to my belt. "So what have you guys been doing lately?" I asked. "Busting our butts trying to save the universe," Frag said indignantly. "Well sooooorrry. Man, miss a few battles and it is like you never existed. Well anyway, where exactly is MewTwo right now?" I asked. "WE don't know," Ray answered, "All we know is that he is searching for the rings. We thought that you might have a location." "Well sorry to let you guys down but all I know is that he doesn't have any ears so I am going to have to find someting else to chop off," I commented. "Why can't you be seriouse for one time in your life?" Ray asked. "Because it is not my style to be cool like that," I asnwered. We all began to walke back to the main palace. The guys told me of their fights with MewTwo and how they were looking for the components to the Ultimate Power and so on. Frag said that Tsunami, the eldest Jurian tree, had kept four trees just for us. The guys told me that I had one waiting for me so I decided to go pick it up. I ported into the Grand Hall where Tsunami was living. "Welcome," she said. "Hey what's up?" I asked nonchalontly. "You are here to recieve the power of a tree, are you not?" she asked. "Yeah I guess that a tree would help me but I don't see how I am supposed to be powered by some kind of plant," I said. "Do not speak so harshly about the Trees. You will soon know their power," she said powerfully. "Scuse me, man this is a weird day, I am being told off by a tree," I said under my breath. "You are full of rudeness, I do not see how you could be one of the foretold saviors of the universe," she snapped. "Man, sorry, crap you don't have to go that far. I am just beign myself," I said. "Come here and place your hand into this spot on the Tree. It is named Hogo and he will serve you well with knowledge, power, and transportation," she said. "I have my own ship so-" I said. "SILENCE!" she yelled at me. I put my hand on the spot and felt a small power flow into me. "Your tree will be ready for use in a few days, until then I suggest that you take measures to improve your attitude," She said. she handed me a splinter of wood and gave me a few directions. I turned to leave but turned back around and bowed. Then I ported out to the others. "Mac, why didn't you tell me she was such a butt whole?" I asked. "SHE IS NOT A BUTT WHOLE!" Frag yelled and rushed at me. I side stepped his attack but as he flew by I grabbed his underware. Needless to say he got the wedgie of his lifetime. "You two stop fighting!" Ray said. "He just slandered the name of Tsunami, I should kill him!" Frag yelled. "Yeah I know but still he holds the Sword of Light and our best chance to beat MewTwo," Ray said. Frag just scoweled at me. "What is this?" I asked leaning over to pick up a small sphereical object. "Leave that alone!" Mac said. It was too late. I pressed the button and out came a REALLY big and REALLY angry pokemon. Ray, Mac, and Frag ran for cover and began to yell at me to run. The big thing looked down at me and raised a huge fist to smash me. The only thing that came to my mind was to get him high and fast. Moving faster than light I got a huge pool full of FireFly Buzz and forced him to chug it. Then I crammed about a hundred pounds of chocolate down his throat. The big thing just got a serine look on his face and fell over asleep. "How did you do that?" Mac said. "You didn't see?" I asked. "You were moving to fast," he said. "Well let's just say I slipped him a REALLY big mickey," I said. Frag walked over to the pokemon and placed his hand on it. "I just erased his memory, I couldn't do it if he was awake," Frag said. "So I guess you owe my a thanks huh? I asked. "thankyou," he said under his breath and very quickly. MegaPuff was doing well in his training. I also got to meet a few other Pokemon. Brick Boy I knew, Cinder Block Man and Pet Rock were pleased to meet me, according to what Brick Boy said. I wondered if he really could understand them or just made up something that sounded right. Anyway we all began to train up, waiting for MewTwo to resurface. One day we were in the kitchen raiding the fridge when a hologram popped up. "I see that you have a new addition to your pitiful band," MewTwo said. "It really makes no differance, I can still crush you. I challenge you to a final battle of Cinnibar Island, surely you know where that is. There we will decide the final victor in this fight." The hologram faded out and we all just stood around loking at each other. Was it a trap? We would soon find out.